Saturday, April 14, 2012

Dear me where DOES the time go.

I'm practically becoming your typical blogger at this rate, most of my posts seem to address the sparsity of updates.  I do apologize for having better things to do than log all my actions for the public to behold.

But!  I'm here now, and I have a friend!  He's a little drowsy right now, blood loss does that.  Let me try to wake him.

Oh my.  I don't think he liked that at all.  Christ, but this fucker has a set of lungs.  Hey, watch it!  Don't bleed on the fucking suit!  ...Whew, you dodged a bullet there, pal.  You awake?  Great!  Here, just like we practiced, you're gonna talk to our friends here!

I'm Robert Loans, FBI.  I was trying to spy on Rhodes, who, incidentally, is infinitely dashing in his style of wardrobe, when he heroically intercepted me.  He is currently threatening me with death unless I reveal agency secrets to you all.  He has cut me with his knives fourteen tiairgnkij  FIFTEEN TIMES NOW! :D

I am part of a division of the FBI that does not officially exist.  It monitors paranormal activity, mainly that of "Slender Man" and those associated with.  Rhodes has instructed me to reveal that we are tracking as many known individuals who have come into contact with the Slender Man in any way.  If you have a blog, it is quite possible you have an agent assigned to trace you.


Rhodes just removed some of the teeth frrrgehlp six teeth exactly from my mouth because I was a little bitch who strayed from the script.  I was supposed to tell you that in some cases, the agent assigned to the individual has termination orders if the individual takes any action that may cause public awareness of Slender Man to rise.  He wants me to tell you that you are all being watched and that we know everything, but refuse to help you.  And that you're just as likely to be killed by us as you are them

what did I DO - Come now, what sort of sentence begins with "And?"

Politics these days!  How about em, Robbie?  ...Robbie?  Dear me, he's not moving.  Odd place to take a nap, but, I suppose I'll allow it, since he did what I asked.

Why did I want him to tell you all about those charming government suits and their nefarious plans?   Couldn't it simply be because I care for you all?

Perhaps not.  The first reason is simple.  They've been hunting me as if I were just another adolescent in a hoodie.  I wanted to be sporting, and show them exactly who they are dealing with.  When professionals are involved, I do not play games. You have been warned- I will not tolerate another such insult.

Of course, there's a second reason for just about everything.  I wanted this charming young man to explain the government policy to all of you out there who think they can escape, or fight back.

It's like this, runners.  You're not just being watched by one man in a suit.  It's many.  Our elected officials have apparently decided that you are a liability.  Let's face it, they're not far off.  You imbecilic little insects haven't even the slightest inkling of the game you are pieces in.  It's quite amusing, actually, like watching blind lab rats in a labyrinth.  Only instead of cheese, it's horrible mental trauma.

Now that you have the slightest idea...Let's see some fear.  Don't be shy.  Show me the look of a mouse as the trap closes around it.


  1. Tell me something I didn't know, you blathering twit. Oh look, you know how to kidnap someone and force them to say something. It isn't like we've seen that a million times in the past.

    I won't fear you, fuck, I don't even fear your boss. Why would I fear his little Mini Me, huh?

    Stop acting like people care what you have to say, when you even bother to inform us. We rarely bother to listen. You aren't the Big Bad. You're just a sheep in wolf's clothing.

    1. Oooh, this one barks a lot~ I don't recall seeing you around, dear. What fun we shall have. May I have the honor of this dance?

      And my darling girl, I should HOPE you don't fear me. The fearless ones are so much more...~satisfying~. The games last longer, which means more fun for everyone!

      I will have to get to know you, though. Tell me about yourself. Don't be shy~

    2. "Don't recall seeing you around." Oh, so my hundreds of comments around the blogging verse and on your own personal blog don't count. Okay. I will make sure to namedrop you more often, maybe you would learn to pay attention then.

    3. I've been busy, my self absorbed little cauliflower. A little busy to peruse the melodrama of the online journals maintained by the condemned.

      Now that I have checked, though, you have commented on my blog before! I do apologize for not noticing. Still friends, right~?

    4. Friends... oh dear lord. Well, I suppose if I can befriend Nightscream, I can befriend you. Just keep all possibly painful instruments and tortures away from me and my mind, and we should get along fine!~

    5. No promises! I can get a little carried away. <3

    6. I will take a page from a friend of mine, and drop your suited ass into an alkali bath and watch you dissolve as you scream in agony. I will likely take pictures.

      Do me a favor, and let's stay friends, yes?~

    7. Oh my lovely new friend, what good times we shall have.~

  2. Amy, you stole the words right out of my mouth, darling.

    Or, rather, some of them, at any rate.

    In any case, I was under the impression that it was already common knowledge that such agencies were in place? Honestly, Rhodes. Couldn't you at least TRY to be a touch creative? To put a little effort in?

    What ever happened to that little artifact of yours? The "...Absolute POWER! The universe is mine to command! To controoooool!" one.

    That fall through, dear? So sad. Truly.

    1. Come now, Nightscream. Hearing it from their mouths is far more substantial than shady rumors of suits in backrooms. Unless I'm lying. But you should know by now- I never lie. Can't stand liars.

      As for the artifact? That's the main event, my friend, and it's still getting ready. Have some patience, relax, torture someone horribly.

      Incidentally, we may take our swings at each other, but I am quite glad you're alive. Things wouldn't be nearly as fun without you!

    2. "Shady rumors"? Darling, "Agent Fisk" didn't spring out of thin air. But, then again, I suppose flipping around old worn-out blogs isn't quite your style, now, is it? Nevertheless, you obviously had fun with your little... day care visit. And whatever makes the EVER charming Rhodes smile, is fine enough for me.

      My, my... so you were keeping an eye on my little adventure, were you? Well, now I'm flattered. Does this mean I'm not... what was that word you used...? "Irrelevant" anymore? I'm touched, sweetheart. I truly am.

      And yet I still haven't come up with a nickname for you, now, have I? How rude of me. I'll have to fix that soon enough...

  3. Douchebag!!! What up nigga, how you been? You've been away so long I was afraid you went off and got embraced by Gasmasky or something. And that wouldn't be any fun. You deserve the Puppet Bitch or Evil Scooby or Nostradamus. Or the Rake. He's old school but he gets the job done.

    Wake up in the morning feeling like Marble Hornets...

    Do take care, stay frosty and all that shiznit. Be seeing you.